I'll call your name again
by keffys
Summary: Dan writes another book, but he realizes that he can't tear Blair apart. Blair realizes that she's afraid of being just a mistake in Dan's life and she decides to travel around the world, trying to find herself. — Post 5x24. Three-shot.
1. i was fire with you

**Disclaimer: **The characters are not mine.

**Summary:** (Now it's only ashes what's left of me.) / Dan writes another book, but he realizes that he can't tear Blair apart. "I am too drunk to care," he says. She laughs, "You care too much." / Blair realizes that she's afraid of being just a mistake in Dan's life. — Post 5x24.

**Notes: **I don't know what I'm doing with my life. At first this was going to be a oneshot, but suddenly I changed the ending and then I was writing more of this story. It's probably going to be a two-shot, maybe a three-shot. But that's it. I'm really sorry if you read this before I updated it. I uploaded the first draft and I didn't notice at first. Kisses!

* * *

**I was fire with you.**

_Now it's only ashes what's left of me._

* * *

**I.**

She's looking at the book, but she's not really reading it. She feels hollow, but she doesn't know the reason (or maybe she does, but she's always denying her feelings).

"Blair, are you ready? We have to go," says a voice behind her. She turns around and sees Chuck standing at the door.

"Yes, I'm ready," she answers. He offers his hand and she takes it; they seldom hold hands, it feels weird, it feels soft and not quite right. It's like they are pretending to be a better couple, but they are still Chuck and Blair. They can try, but they won't succeed. They are extraordinary, not simple and pure; maybe they are epic in their story, but Blair doesn't think their love is epic. He holds her hand and she feels like she's the main character of a tragic book, like the sadness is around the corner, and she wonders when she started to feel that way.

"You seem a little distracted," he notes.

She shakes her head, "Sorry, I am a little tired," she mutters, "but I am all in," she adds, but she doesn't mean it. Chuck doesn't notice, though; he _never_ does.

"And my bet's on us."

He kisses her forehead and she realizes that the fire that used to burn so bright, it's now dark and cold, it's not really there. They always have the same conversation, about chemistry and destiny, and it's turning a little boring.

She feels empty. _But it's alright_, she thinks, _Chuck is my destiny, we are inevitable_.

* * *

**II.**

He's drunk and his throat is in flames, his mouth tastes like bitter disappointment. _Inevitable is such a funny word to use in comparison to a relationship_, Dan thinks, _because the only thing that is inevitable is death_.

It's not really a sequel to Inside, but people will notice that _it is_. Brooke Wright is a petite brunette with _blue_ eyes (he doesn't want to think about her brown doe eyes that used to shine for him in the mornings), witty and aristocratic, but insecure and deceitful. He doesn't see her as Blair Waldorf, because Blair is more than Brooke, but she represents the character that shattered Duncan Hendricks' heart. Duncan is not an angel, he is a judgmental cheating asshole, but Brooke was the one to push him over the edge; he loved Brooke more than all the girls before her. Stella Vizner, the golden girl, goddess-like with long legs and grey eyes, is Brooke's best friend and the girl Duncan cheats with.

In the book, it was Brooke from the start, when they meet at the age of 21. There's not a love story about Duncan and Stella, he realizes, because he doesn't want to be involved with Serena Van der Woodsen in any way. Andrew Northfield, with blonde hair, blue eyes and white smile, is Brooke's ex fiancée; in the book they had a good relationship until the day Andrew slept with Stella, cheating on the nineteen year old Brooke.

There is Hugh Aster, her ex, the one Brooke seems to think as the love of her life. He tells the story of Hugh trading her for a hotel and he narrates all the pain he causes, and he paints Brooke as the broken character she is. And it's not until he finishes the book that he notices that Brooke is a victim too, of herself and her own mistakes. It breaks his heart all over again.

Alessandra is ecstatic because _Wires _is going to be another best-seller, she says. "It's the perfect alternative narration to Inside, and it ends the story of the characters. I liked that Stella and Andrew have a second chance, even if I don't remember Andrew being in Inside. People are going to throw a hissy fit when they realize that Clair and Dylan don't end up together, though."

"This is not Inside, Alessandra; the plot is not the same," he argues and she rolls her eyes.

"Inside is your life, Dan, you're not fooling anyone."

"I'm not in the mood for this; I'm going to the bar."

He feels vacant, like he's not really there.

* * *

**III.**

Four months later, after all has been said between him and Blair, _Wires_ is finally published. This time Blair reads it the second she knows it's on the bookstores and it kills her because she can't help but feel sorry for that poor lost Brooke girl who didn't choose Duncan and decided to try again with Hugh. It's not until she finishes the book that she realizes that she feeling sorry for _herself_. And she doesn't want that, she wants to be proud of herself; she ends her relationship with Chuck the next day, he's not happy but she thinks that he might understand.

_("I read the book," he said, "I am sorry for everything."_

"_Yes, I am sorry too," she replied. "Goodbye."_

"_Goodbye, Blair. Please, try to be happy."_

"_I will," she affirmed, before walking away. It was just a fast and simple goodbye, but she feels like it's definitive.)_

The book is a success. Even if it's not a sequel to Inside, people think it is, because Brooke and Duncan are the same story about the broken girl and the boy who falls in love with her, trying to fix her after all the suffering by the hands of another past love.

"_It's really tragic that Daniel Humphrey decided to end the story with Brooke and Hugh together, because I really enjoyed her interactions with Duncan. I never considered Hugh an option after the incident with the hotel. I really liked his work, even more than his previous one; this one felt more real and passionate, with a hint of disappointment in the core of the story." _—E. Jenkins, The New Yorker.

"You should write a sequel, you know, with Brooke and Duncan ending up together," says Alessandra.

"Well, _Brooke _wants to be with Hugh, so let her be _with _fucking Hugh," he answers, drunk, "or _fucking_ Hugh against the stupid wall in some overpriced hotel in Tuscany while they are in their Honeymoon. I'm too drunk to care."

She laughs, somehow bitterly, "You care too much," and then she leaves.

* * *

**IV.**

"You shouldn't have," she says suddenly, after ten minutes of silence. He doesn't know why she's there, haunting him.

"You shouldn't be here, Waldorf," he retorts.

"You should have written Brooke as the manipulative misleading bitch she really is," she accuses, "You are always too kind, ignoring her flaws."

"Brooke is not perfect, but she's not as bad as you think she is," he snaps, "She's an amazing woman, strong and full of light, even when she decides to be in the darkness. Yes, she's manipulative; yes, she's a bitch; and _yes_, she can be misleading, but she's human and nobody's perfect."

"She wants to be, though," she argues shakily.

"She _shouldn't_, because she's imperfectly perfect the way she is. Everybody makes mistakes."

"Like Brooke, leaving Duncan."

"Duncan makes mistakes too."

She's silent for the next twenty minutes.

"Am I a mistake, Dan?" she mutters with her voice trembling.

"No."

She nods and he hugs her while she's crying on his shoulder; it's familiar and she feels like she's home. It's scary, but she doesn't want to run away, even if she _has_ to.

"You never were a mistake," he says softly, "My love for you made me want to live again."

"I felt the same way," she cries, holding him tighter, "But I'm always scared of your love."

He holds in their sleep and when he wakes up in the morning she's not there, but she left a note in his hand.

_I wish I was brave, because you deserve to be loved. But I'm weak and a coward, Dan; I am sorry. I'm not ready._

_Yours,_

_Blair._

.

They will find their way back to each other. But that won't happen until they are twenty-six,

(That's kind of another story).


	2. the destination

Thank you for your reviews. I'll reply them later, because my internet is _horrible _and I can't seem to stay online for more than five minutes.

The third, and final, part is corny (really cheesy, wow), so you can stop reading at the end of this chapter.

Kisses!

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* * *

**The destination.**

.

Blair decides to travel around the world, hoping to find herself in the middle of discovering new cultures. She will try to fix herself; not for Dan, but because she wants to be fixed.

She spends four years travelling, and she feels like a new Blair. She's satisfied, but not completely happy.

.

**I.**

It's raining when she comes back to New York. She founds herself at the bookstore, looking for a book called _Rome _written by Daniel Humphrey and she founds it easily in the shelves. She purchases it and reads it with a smile in her face, but the tears are blurring her vision.

_There are days when Jonah thinks about Beth. He thinks about her eyes and her smile, he thinks about her kisses and her curls spilled in his pillow. He never thinks about her and Christopher having sex all over Barcelona. _

_He thinks about Rome and what should've been. Beth waking up next to him, tangled in his sheets, planning a whole day of walking around the city while he kisses her on the neck._

The books narrates an alternative reality where Beth and Jonah visit Rome together, and at the same time it tells the story of Beth and Christopher falling apart while trying to be a couple for the third time. At the end, Beth leaves Christopher and visits Rome while trying to find her place in the world, and she tells Jonah about the beauty of the streets, and he answers "Rome should've been _our_ city, Beth," and the book ends with Beth sitting on a plane, but you don't know if she's returning to Chicago or going to Tokyo to continue her journey. Blair loves it and she hates herself for her mistakes. She cries and smiles, and then she ends up at the door of the loft.

But she's not ready, she's twenty five and still scared, and she walks away again.

**II.**

When Dan writes a sequel to _Wires_, it's the story of Brooke leaving Hugh and moving out of the Upper East Side to finish her education at Yale. He writes it when he's twenty five, just after finishing _Rome_, and he finds it refreshing when he writes Brooke's letters to Duncan. He calls it _Haven_, and he doesn't explain the real reason behind the title.

_(Dan, I was walking around Paris when I suddenly thought about you. You know, there was this bar called Haven and I thought "I wish Dan was here with me," and then I was smiling sadly because I'm not ready but I know you are waiting for me. I feel safe whenever I think about you sitting in your loft writing a book or reading one, of maybe making waffles or pancakes. I feel safe with you, even when you're not by my side. You are my haven._

_Wow, that was cheesy, I apologize._

_Blair.)_

Alessandra is happy, as always, and tells him that she's glad that his life resembles a romantic comedy.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, flabbergasted.

"You and Blair Waldorf are like a romantic comedy. Everybody knows that Charlie, Hugh and Christopher are just stops along the way, they aren't the destination," she answers, "Clair and Dylan are meant to end up together, even if you don't plan on write a sequel to Inside. Jonah and Beth are actually the main couple on Rome, and the end you claim is _open_," she snorts, "is as clear as the sky this morning, because she obviously comes back to Chicago. And of course Brooke is discovering herself before going back to Duncan," she rolls her eyes, "You might think that you wrote books about the girl not choosing the hero and deciding to go back to her ex, but you are writing about the girl realizing her mistake. You are really dense sometimes," she finishes.

"Beth decided to go to Tokyo, they are not together," he argues.

"Nonsense," she shushes him.

"But I wr-" he cuts himself, "I'll shut up, you're not going to believe me anyways," he says before taking a sip of his scotch.

**III.**

"_I truly believe that the author is planning on finishing Brooke and Duncan's story in a third book. While satisfying, the end of _Haven_ is not enough for me; I'm glad that Brooke is living by herself and trying to be a better person, but I feel like she won't be truly happy until she realizes that Duncan is her destination (yes, that was a reference to "I want to reach my destination: Pure love and happiness" said by Brooke herself in the book). I'll be waiting for the conclusion of this love story. Eight out of ten." _— E. Jenkins, the New Yorker.

Blair reads that critic before reading the book, because she reads the newspaper while eating breakfast and she was planning on reading the book after eating. She smiles at the paper, because she's glad that he's receiving good reviews.

She sits on her bed and just by looking at the title she's grinning, but she _beams_ when she reads the dedicatory.

_This is for B, my own Brooke. I hope you find what you are looking for, because I want you to be happy._

_I wanted to make you a gift, so I decided that Brooke should attend to Yale. _

_Yours,_

_Cabbage Patch._

"Dan…" she mutters, tears spilling from her eyes, her lips and trembling and she _can't _believe he signed the dedicatory of his book as _Cabbage Patch_. He's crazy, and she may be deranged too because a short dedicatory is turning her into a sobbing _happy_ mess.

She keeps reading, watching as Brooke starts to fix herself, laughing when she sends letters at Duncan that start with _Brooklyn Weasel _or _Hey, Cedric! _And she finds herself in awe at their little details he manages to write down in the book, like when Brooke tells Duncan that she wants to be an editor in a fashion magazine and he calls her an _evil dictator of taste_.

_("I actually stole a stapler while trying to finish my assignment," Brooke says, "I can't believe I've sunk so low."_

_Duncan laughs, "You're a stapler stealer!" he mocks, "Brooke Wright is a thief!"_

"_Oh, shut up, Hendricks," she huffs._

"_I'll shut up," he says and she sighs, relieved, "All you have to do is admit that you miss me," he jokes._

"_What!?" she yells, "Never going to happen." _

_At the of the chapter she says "You were right," mumbling, "about that thing."_

"_What thing?" he teases._

"_I, Brooke Wright, miss Duncan Hendricks and his atrocious hair," she admits. "But seriously, just cut it already."_

"_You never change," he laughs, but he knows he doesn't want her to change. He loves her just the way she is.)_

She loves the moment when Brooke and Duncan are watching The Philadelphia Story over the phone in Valentines Day and Brooke falling sleep with her head resting on the phone, smiling.

By the end of the book, she _knows_.

.

She's standing at the door, waiting for the ideal moment. She wants it to be perfect, like in the movies and the books.

But then he _ruins it_, as per usual, by opening the door and finding her standing there like an idiot. He looks at her like it's a dream.

She's twenty six and she's ready. Outside is raining, but she doesn't care.


	3. home

So, this is it.

* * *

**Home.**

_You put your arms around me and I'm home._

_._

**I.**

"You ruined it, Humphrey. You were supposed to wait for me to knock your door," she pouts.

"I'm sorry," he replies, "…I guess."

"Dan, I wanted it to be perfect," she argues, "and your ruined it!"

"Why are you here, Blair?" he asks, smiling.

"You know why," she retorts, "I'm ready, I came here to tell you…" she sighs, "Oh, god, I suck at this."

"I love you, Blair," he blurts out.

Her smile is bright when she says, "I love you too, Dan," before hugging him. His arms are around her and he breathes in her scent, she relaxes in his embrace and runs her hands across his back. "I love you, I love you, I love you _so much_," she mumbles, "I am sorry. I love you."

"There's no need to be sorry. You are here and I am so happy," he kisses her forehead.

"Kiss me, idiot," she rolls her eyes.

"You got it, Waldorf," he mutters before kissing her, just a peck in the lips. "I missed you," and then he gives her a long kiss, like the ones he used to give in bed in the mornings, lazy and content, like nothing could go wrong. Her hands are on his shoulder and her eyes are closed, she feels like she's on fire, beautiful and alive.

"There's still a bed in this loft, right?" she inquires. He nods, "Take me there."

"As you want," he concedes, holding her hand and leading her to his bedroom.

That night Dan puts her on the bed and kisses her softly, without rush, he mumbles how much he loves her between kisses, she smiles while she moves her fingertips across his chest, _I missed your eyes, bright and sincere, and your luscious lips _he says, and he touches her chin, he kisses her nose, _I missed your hair, with your chestnut curls spilled on my pillow, _he kisses her earlobe, _I missed your skin, tangled with mine between the sheets, _his fingertips grace her shoulder and she gasps when she feels them close to her breasts, _I missed your scent, so calming in my sleepless nights, _he nuzzles her neck with his nose; _to be honest, I missed you, with all your quirks, and I missed your voice and your hands, I missed your everything._

"Dan," she moans softly, breathily, "I love you."

"I love you," he says too, after hearing her in his ear, slightly breathless.

That night Blair sees a bright red light behind her eyelids and that light slowly turns to white, while she cries his name and grips his shoulder, breaking the kiss to arch her neck, feeling the sweet release.

Suddenly three words, eight letters, are not enough to describe the way she's feeling.

**II.**

"_Destination, by Daniel Humphrey: Nine out of ten and that's only because I am greedy with my tens as you know. I loved the conclusion of their love story; with Duncan, unlike Hugh, Brooke is not lost, she knows who she is and what she wants. The ending scene, with Brooke and Duncan kissing on the porch, is really beautiful, and the voice of Brooke's character is perfectly clear when she says that she reached her destination, there's no doubt that the ending is quite fitting with the other two books." _— E. Jenkins, the New Yorker.

"That man is a fan of yours, definitely," she says, smiling.

"Actually I gave him some money," he jokes.

"I'm actually shocked that he didn't mention the dedicatory, it's fairly memorable," she says.

_(This is for B, again. She's sleeping peacefully while I write this and I haven't even started the book, but I know I'll write it because she's my inspiration._

_I love you,_

_D.)_

"You think that because it's about you," he teases.

"Obviously," she agrees, "I _am_ unforgettable."

"Of course," he says before giving her a peck on the lips, "I love you."

"You are so cheesy, Humphrey," she pretends to vomit, and then she smiles, "Love you too."

.

It's their first anniversary and they are spending a lazy afternoon in the loft, when suddenly Blair looks at Dan with a mischievous glint on her eyes.

"Since Brooke and Duncan are having their romantic comedy," she starts, "we should have a dramatic and passionate kiss while it's raining, in the middle of the street," she suggests.

"Look who is cheesy now," he teases, and she smacks him in the chest, "but what my lady asks, my lady receives," he bows.

Outside is raining and Blair takes Dan by the hand and guides him to the streets.

"Kiss me now," she commands, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Now that's an offer I can't decline," he replies, joining his lips to hers, kissing her in the middle of the sidewalk with the rain cascading between their bodies.

Right in that moment their love is strong and pure, and it feels like home.

* * *

_Fin._


End file.
